Keeping watch when the lights go out
In 1994 we had our first driving holiday in France. I had never driven on the other side of the road before and every so often my wife and daughter could hear me muttering, “Right”. “Right”. Right!”. As it turned out I coped with it okay and after a while it felt as if I had driven there all my life.
Just before we went on holiday, “daddy” had promised his little girl a trip to Eurodisney? What “daddy” hadn’t realised was that Eurodisney was still over 200 miles away from where we were staying and we would have had to start out very early in the morning. As a result I had to do that thing that all parents dread. Letting down their children! Very hard to do especially when its caused by your poor knowledge of French geography. I managed to find a local amusement park that we could visit, but I knew it would not be quite the same. Bravely I delegated “mummy” to deliver the bad news. Later I approached daughter very cautiously to see how she had taken this tragedy (well she was only 5). I readied myself for floods of tears and cries of “how could you?”. Instead she looked up and in a very matter-of-fact voice said, “ I thought mummy made a very good speech”. As you can imagine that story has passed into family folklore (she loved the local funfare every bit as much and I took her to Eurodisney six years later).
I thought about my daughter’s reaction the other day and asked myself the question, “how well do I manage disappointment”?. Do I manage to have the mature response that she had? Do I put on a ‘stiff upper lip” when life goes pear shaped? The honest answer is not always. Oh sure I can do it sometimes when the disappointment’s not too big. Other times though the toys go out the pram. My worst moment was when I first applied to be a minister in the Church of England. I went through a very long selection process which culminated in attending a three day residential interview panel. I then had to wait two weeks for a letter to inform me whether I was accepted or not. The answer was “no”. I didn’t just throw out the toys, but the pram as well. I stormed out of the house hastily pursued by a wife who was six months pregnant. Not very clever. Not my finest hour.
I have slowly and painfully learned over the years following God, that as he says, “My ways are not your ways”. When God first calls us to a particular task such as ministry the route he chooses is not always clear or easy. In the Old Testament for example God called a young boy called David to be king over Israel. It was many years, however, before the young boy became king. His path to kingship was strewn with disappointments, failures and hardships. Indeed for many years he was on the run. Yet God fulfilled his promise in the end and more to the point when David was ready for the role.
From my experience God often doesn’t say “no”, He says “wait”. When our deepest desires are denied, when our dreams appear to have gone up in smoke, it is the very time not to give up but to look up. It may just be that he wants you to wait for something better. In my case of my ministry it was Thaxted Baptist Church.